We Create Interactive Media To Captivate Your Audience and Multiply Your Profits!

Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

A Mitzvah For My Mom

20190330_1242044397483991067039872.jpg

I kept getting calls from Israel from my Mom that my Dad who is 86 got pnemonia fell down, hitting his head. My lady friend Carol told me that he should be wearing a medical helmet just in case he falls down again. He was doing so well when my orthodox brother-in law, whose father recently died was there. But when he returned home to New Jersey, my Dad was back in Hadassah hospital and he died in the middle of the night right after we came home from seeing the movie Medea’s Family Funeral which wasn’t that funny or good.

I didn’t really want to see it but my lady friend did. I felt it might be bad luck and it really was.

My dad was a pioneer. In the air force, he was a ham radio operator who worked with Morris code. When I was young, he had his own mobile TV repair business. When I took classes in cyber security, I invited him and he absorbed the lecture like a sponge and formed his own Cyber Security company that charged a monthly fee. He always had great ideas but they just didn’t make it to market the right way.

I don’t want to be that way, but I guess I’m like that too.

I was going to go to back Israel to spend Purim with my family anyway since I got a Discover credit card, but now I would unfortunately have to attend my father’s funeral, or so I thought. Actually neither my sister or I were allowed to because the rabbi wanted him buried traditionally within 24 hours and my mother agreed to this. So we were told to come and sit shiva, which is a ritualized mourning party where friends and family visit and bring food over to share memories. Not being able to even attend the funeral added to the upset feelings I felt.

I scheduled a flight on British Airways which seemed like a very safe airline at the time. Then I heard the news while I was packing that a package exploded at the Airport in England where I was transferring to Tel Aviv. Great. Now I might die too. I was scared as hell to get on that flight. I had enough room on the flight to fall asleep but a couple stole the extra seats. When we went over Colorado, there must have been a storm brewing because the turbulence was so jarring, it knocked over my free beer. This is not the first time I almost crash landed in Colorado. Maybe that’s why it’s called the Rockies.

Anyway I survived and had to deal with all the ques in Britain. After a free bus that took me to the wrong place and I had to walk in the rain, here’s the hotel I stayed in near the airport.

img-20190312-wa00005631436226033422095.jpg

I had to line up or as they say “cue” up just to get the room I already reserved.

After only being there 1 night, it seemed to me that I had to cue up for everything. I cued up when I got off the plane to get the bus to the airport. I cued up to go through security. I cued up to get the free bus to the hotel. Cue up to get my room and even cue up for dinner. The only thing I didn’t have to cue for was the bathroom or what they call the lough. Thank G-d.

Dinner was pretty good. A seafood pasta. But I didn’t know anybody there so I knew I had to move on the next day. The weird thing about the rooms was that there were two beds and one was super hard and the other was super soft. I chose the soft one and there were red strings hanging from the ceiling near the bed and in the bathroom. I asked about these and a hotel staff member said they were for disabled people.

I tried to calculate what time I should get up to sleep as much as could, even with my jet lag. But somehow I woke up late and got it wrong. I showered, packed and took the elevator down. I asked for a taxi and then I realized I forgot my suit! I panicked until I saw a room attendant that I asked to help me. He ran up to the room and promptly delivered it to me. I felt blessed, gave him a nice tip and the cab driver was still patiently waiting for me. I felt like I still had time to catch my flight but the cab driver thought it would be a close call. Thank G-d he knew where my airport gate was. As a matter of fact, he was an expert. He charged a little more but he got me to the airport and there seemed to be enough time so it was worth it. Besides, since the price of a British pound was currently $1.40, Britain was too expensive for me no matter how much I wanted to visit the places where British invasion rock stars had lived. I went through security , even though they tried to stop me because I only was a half hour early.

I prayed while they checked if I could still get on the flight. It would be very embarrassing for my family if I couldn’t sit shiva on time. They told me I’d have to run but I could still make it if I go through security and get on the train to the gate to catch my flight. I went through security as fast as possible and ran like hell to catch the train even though I didn’t reall know where it was. I had to ask people while I was running. But I found the train and then I was running to the elevator to the gate.

I met a disabled person in a wheelchair who was going my way and said we had plenty of time. I didn’t take it for granted after I got off the elevator though that calmed me down and then I felt like I could make it on time. I got in my seat on the plane and felt relieved.

I was very hungry but willing to wait till the staff served breakfast. I had to wait a few hours. Then I saw a great movie called Instant Family about a couple that adopted teenagers. It starred Mark Walberg and was pretty touching and funny. The story emphasized the struggle that orphan teenagers have to be adopted. So many people want to give birth to children or adopt babies but not teenage orphans. Before we before we reached Tel Aviv, the stewardess offered me another free beer.

We had a fairly smooth landing where I could see Hebrew letters from the air near the ocean but in the airport when I went to pick up the luggage, it wasn’t there. I spoke to two airline representatives about this and they finally told me they would deliver it to my Mom’s house.

I called my brother in law who was picking me up outside the airport and told him I was here.

He arrived about 20 minutes later and couldn’t figure out how to use the GPS to get us to my Mom’s house. and it was getting dark. I started freaking out.

But my brother in law found a beautiful Yemenite synagogue in the country for the evening prayers since he is a religious Jew.

We finally got to my Mom’s apartment and I was told to stay with a neighbor because my Mom’s apartment was too crowded with my sister, her husband and my Mom there.

So I met the family downstairs that was hosting me. I found out I’d be staying in a bomb shelter room Here’s a picture of it.

End of chapter 1

Advertisements

Doob: Mini You In 3D At Fashion Valley

Ever seen the Matt Damon movie, “Downsizing” where people shrink down to become 3D miniatures to save a lot money and live in tiny luxury homes?

Doob

Mini You @ The

 Now you can spend your extra money at the local mall to get a 3D printed miniature of yourself and your family. The company is called Doob and no, it isn’t a joint like the name sounds. Although the Jefferson Airplane song is partly about shrinking yourself with hallucinogens.

So if your tired of flat family photos, then go down to the mall and get a 3D printed Doob of yourself. Prices range from $95.00 to $295.00, depending on how many family mmbers you want . I’m not sure if payment plans are available.   And you need to be 3D scanned in person so you can’t make any voodoo dolls.

Visit https://www.doob3d.com/ to learn more.

 

 

20190217_225525140235003635011678.jpg

Pepper Robot Now Dancing In Fashion Valley Microsoft Store

 

I had to stop to charge up my electric car at the Fashion Valley Mall after waiting an hour and a half in terrible rainy traffic coming from the Mission Valley Mall. I finally got there and plugged in. I decided to shop for a new computer at the Microsoft Store and was greeted by this friendly, funny robot.

 

Surf Dog Competition in Imperial Beach

As a former brand ambassador for a solar company, I was assigned to attend the Surf Dog Competition in Imperial Beach. I saw this incredible golden doodle dog there, surfing in the ocean. Kentucky & His Dog, Derby Weeks later, I saw the surf dog with his owner, named Kentucky parked at my condo.  It turns out, after talking to Kentucky, that both Kentucky and Derby are my new neighbors here at my beach condo!

Reptile Super Show!

20180707_1519251108142422.jpg

For my job promoting 180 Solar Power, I set appointments at the Reptile Super Show. Here’s a blue camillion, one of my favorite animals there at the San Diego Civic Center.

 

 

20180707_1648072138480861.jpg

This is my favorite chameleon photo. The colors are exquisite!

 

20180707_1528041291462221.jpg

This iguana is such a cool bad boy!

20180707_1602511979312253.jpg

These are some pretty brave kids.

20180707_1635351437073114.jpg

So… what kind of insurance do you need?

Personally, I believe that most reptiles should be left in the wild, but lizards, chameleons, and turtles might make good pets. I’m not a snake fan though. I also like to occasionally eat fried frogs legs at the Seaside Buffet in Mira Mesa. They’re so tasty. I can’t help myself!

“Naked Skydiving” Now Available @ Verbatim Books!



Get a signed copy of my autobiographical novel, “Naked Skydiving,” based on the true story of the personal life of a dream interpreter, travelling through the west coast before 9-11, now available in the San Diego local author section at Verbatim Books, 3793 30th St, San Diego, CA 92104.

Verbatim is a great, open minded space to get zines, modern fiction and classics, in a cool, artistic area of San Diego without that Barnes and Noble Big Box corporate mall feeling. They even have a poetry night once a month. So you can read your work there too!

However, if you’re looking for a bookstore with Wi-Fi, as the cashier, Nick, who’s a great guy, agreed with me, they want you to read books here, like you did in your old college bookstore. Not be on the internet. Maybe even heaven forbid, buy a few. Authors can sell there books on consignment too and get 60%. Just ask their cool staff members. Not many chairs here to sit down, but it’s a great literary hangout!

Naked Skydiving Now Available @ Mira Mesa Barnes and Noble

After talking to Cameron, the head cashier at Barnes & Noble, he agreed to carry a few copies of my autobiographical novel, “Naked Skydiving,” the story of a dream interpreter, traveling throughout west coast before 9-11.

There might also be an open reading at this Barnes & Noble near the 15 freeway on Mira Mesa Blvd this Wednesday night and I’ll read a little from the book and maybe some new work. You can read your own work too! Check back to this blog for details, all thanks to Cameron and the new management at Barnes & Noble. “Naked Skydiving” is available in the fiction section under the S’s for Schaffner, my last name. If I see you in the store, I’ll autograph your copy! Next, I’ll be working to get the book in every Barnes & Noble

 

Chassidic Pop Art

A few months ago,I went to an art exhibit at Chabad of University City and saw these magnificent artworks , some like this picture of hamantashens, which are Jewish cookies, resembling a Warhol painting.

a_002

Most of his work is brightly colored like this, giving his religious subjects an ecstatic feeling.

 Here is dreidel, a Jewish top from a Hannukah game.

This is the Etz Chaim, The Tree of Life.

Two Chassids

Moses looks upon the promised land and a few other samples of Yitzach Moullie’s work, are featured in front of him. Yitzach Moullie is a fantastic artist, an ebullient rabbi, and also a real mensch.

Video

Tel Aviv Integrated School & Rockets

 

San Diego Film Week

I was lucky enough to go to a few classy filmmaking parties last weekend. The first one ended San Diego Film Week.

Here’s a few snaps:

This was the stage where music,comedy and the San Diego Film awards appeared.

Here’s a few ladies enjoying their 2 free drinks at the blackjack table.

Lots of San Diego Film Awards were handed out. I didn’t see most of the films so I can’t really comment on them.

I did attend the San Diego 48hr Film festival and saw a few there.My favorite was called, “Sorry To Bother You.” I don’t think I’d want participate in that festival because you have to pay them to pressure yourself and your cast & crew to finish a film in 48 hours, and besides the little trophy and admiration of your peers, the financial return seems minimal for all your expenses.  True, low or no budget films must be done within a few weeks before participants lose interest. But 48 hrs seems crazy to me.

Festivals abound around the world, online and they are a great way these days to establish yourself as a filmmaker.Lots of trophies were handed out that night like faux Oscars, but I won’t bore you with them. Anyway, the price of admission included 2 free drinks and 2 tacos. Rice and beans were $6.00 extra. Ouch! I came up with my own drink called the Rummelon which is made of rum, watermelon juice and club soda or sprite. Yum! 

Snakeoil cocktails provided the watermelon juice and mixed my original creation. Delicious!

Other than that, there was supposed to be a burlesque show but they thought children would attend so all we got were these “cigarette” girls handing out candy instead.

The next night, was an Oscar party at a fancy La Jolla Mansion for sale. Call me, Jordan Schaffner BRE#01736921 @ 619-346-9433 to make a serious offer over $10 million. 

Here’s where you enter and walk the red carpet.

There was also a ballot to guess the Ocar winners with a fairly large cash prize.

Great views all the way to the pacific.

This is the pool.

Incredible!

What a place to watch the Oscars, from your own infinity pool overlooking La Jolla Beach!

Here’s a few great 🔥 fireplace shots

Some beautiful flowers from the party.

And the Oscar goes to…”La La Land,” no, no, I mean “Moonlight.” Well, we all know that story by now.

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: